Thursday, May 24, 2012


I don't like change, and  there is a LOT of it coming down the line for me and my family.  My big kid just graduated from pre-K, and my baby is not a baby anymore and will be starting preschool soon.  I am so excited for both of them, they are so eager to try something new, and let go of the old.  I love to watch them as they learn new things and try new things.  I need to take a page out of their books, and just embrace life.

I quit my job last week, and as of right now only have 3 1/2 more days here.  I am facing so many emotions right now.  I have been miserable here for the last few months (years even)  so I am so excited to start something  new.  But I am also scared.  I have been at this job for nearly ten years, and I know what is expected, what to do, when to be here.  Those are all unknowns at this new place.  Plus, it is an internship, and there is no telling what I will be doing come the fall.

I am trying to pack up 10 years of my professional life, and it is difficult to tell what I might need in the future, and what the person who takes my place might need instead. It is amazing how much stuff you can accumulate in 10 years, and the sad thing is we moved 8 months ago, and I got rid of a LOT of it already!  I'm trying to slowly tackle the tangible items.  The files shouldn't be as bad, I'll just toss them on a disk (or 10, haha) and deal with them at home on my time.

Friday, April 06, 2012


Here I am again, with a random mix of thoughts and emotions running through my head.  It's been one of those weeks (well, a few weeks really) where I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there until everything has passed by.  School has me very busy, work has been difficult lately (our server taking a vacation is not helping things in that area)  the kids are wound up and I am really irritable.  I'm sure everyone has those times.

But then you get news that makes all of your troubles seem so insignificant.
Last week, Dee Imlay, a fellow Lancer from a few classes below mine, was killed while serving our county.  I knew him, not well, but I knew him.   He left behind a wife and two beautiful children, ages 2 and 4.  His wife was a Lancer also.
A mutual friend of ours posted an update Tami had posted about making the final arrangements, and how in the midst of all she has to deal with she was going to take a day off to go to her 4 year old's first soccer game of the year.  It was that message that really touched me.  Tami is such a strong woman.  I can't even begin to imagine how I would cope if I were in the same position.  Would I just retreat into my cave and hide from the world, or would I be able to face life, and embrace the little things that are still going on despite my sorrow?  Would I be able to function for my children's sake, if not my own?  I don't know how I would deal with it.

Dee, thank you for your service to our country.  Tami, I thank you also for your service and your greatest sacrifice.  I admire your strength, and am deeply sorry for your loss. 

Monday, February 06, 2012

Busy life

I want to apologize upfront about only posting when I have down days. It seems like the times I need to put words on paper are those that I have seen, read or heard about something terrible happening.

I have been incredibly cranky lately. I wonder if I have some sort of imbalance or mild depression. I snap at the littlest things, and I end up yelling at my kids (and husband) far more than necessary. I have been really tired, apathetic and generally disinterested in things. I think I am going to try upping my vitamin intake and see if that helps.

Now, in an unrelated subject, I want to write about something I heard about today about an old friend's family. Something that makes me very thankful for a kind and loving husband.

Today I learned of the death of my friend's nephews. Unfortunately, this family is no stranger to loss. Just over two years ago my friend's sister Susan disappeared. Nobody knows what really happened to her, at least nobody who was talking about it. The whole situation was pretty suspicious. It is a pretty high profile case. The police have been investigating it since her disappearance. This past weekend, her husband, who was "a person of interest" in the case, killed her two small children and himself.

I am having trouble grasping the thought of this whole situation. Susan's sister was my best friend in Junior high. Her family lived down the street from us (they still do in fact) I used to play at their house all the time There were many times when all of us girls would play in the yard together.

We are not close anymore, but I still grieve for my friends and neighbors. Not only have they lost their sister and daughter, but now these two precious children have been taken from them. Children that have been through a lot, way more than a 5 and 7 year old should have to, who were just starting to adjust to a somewhat happy life living with their grandparents.

Today I pray for this family who has been through so much already. I pray for them to have the strength to get through this. I pray for the Child Protective Services officer who witnessed the explosion first hand. I pray for Susan and her boys, who may already have been reunited in death. I pray for Chuck and Judy, Mary and the whole family, who have to shoulder the burden of loss yet again. I pray for the investigators on the case, that they can bring justice to this family and the truth to light. Only God knows what has really happened to Susan. I feel sure that He has already judged those responsible.